I hate doing the dishes.
It’s by far one of my least favorite chores.
It’s boring. It’s monotonous. And it never feels like I’m really doing much of anything. It’s like many chores in this way, but for some reason it really strikes the perfect “I really don’t want to do this” balance.
The problem is, it’s pretty important too. There are only so many eating surfaces you can use as a substitute when your dishes are all resting, neglected in the sink.
Knowing how important the dishes are has never actually helped motivate me to get them done. Importance just doesn’t motivate the ADHD brain the way it motivates most people.
What actually moves us into action is interest, novelty, challenge, and urgency.
I’ve organized these into a framework I call the 4 Cs of Motivation.
Captivate: Make It Interesting
Doing the dishes is never going to be an interesting task to my brain. But I can manufacture or borrow interest and use it to help move me into action. Maybe I save a favorite podcast and reserve it only for dish washing time. Or a new album from one of my favorite artists - that goes in my Dish Washing Playlist.
That way, the chore becomes just something I do with my hands while I get the thing I actually want, the interesting podcast or music that captivates my attention.
Create: Make It Novel
Another way to mix up the chore of doing the dishes is by introducing a novel approach. You can load the dishwasher alphabetically (bowls, cups, forks, glasses, knives, plates, etc) or by color (red, orange, yellow, and so on).
It might sound ridiculous, but I’ve found that ridiculous-sounding ideas often are exactly the sort of thing that motivate my brain into actually getting stuff done. That novel approach can tickle the curiosity of our brain just enough to find some motivation.
Compete: Make It A Challenge
Set a timer and race it. Maybe it’s a mad dash to collect dishes throughout the house (including the 7 mugs at your desk). Or maybe you’re trying to see how many bowls you can get loaded in before the baseball game is back from a commercial break.
Complete: Make It Urgent
Urgency can be one of the most powerful motivators for the ADHD brain. The trick is to create urgency that doesn’t feel too fake, our brains are suspicious of fake urgency.
Sometimes a simple countdown timer can work (instead of timing yourself in a race, you’ve got the clock going in the opposite direction, counting down from 10 minutes to 0). Your brain may be resistant, but you can feel it when that countdown gets closer and closer to end.
Other times you may need to use some real urgency, and connect it to the specific chore you’re trying to finish such as trying to finish loading the dishwasher before a partner gets home from work.
Whenever you’re stuck on a task, I recommend going through these four Cs and seeing which one sparks. Think of it like a creative exercise.
You can use this template:
To get started on __________(the task), I can use __________ (captivate / create / compete / complete) to ignite motivation and build momentum.
Not every C is going to work on every task. Or even when one does work, it’s not going to work every time. You might find an incredible strategy that works great for 2 weeks, and then just stops being helpful.
That’s not a failure, that’s just how our brain works. It’s something to make note of, and then pivot to using another C to get back on track. If a strategy worked before and it’s been awhile, maybe give it another shot.
This week’s worksheet: Run It Through the 4 Cs. One stuck task, but four possible approaches.
P.S. My friend Brendan Mahan’s new book Overcoming the Wall of Awful just released today! The “wall of awful” is one of the early concepts I learned about when I was diagnosed with ADHD, and am really excited to give this one a read.
The only thing more important than sales for a new book launch is reviews (authors LOVE getting reviews!), so if you get the book and enjoy it, don’t forget to leave a review to show Brendan some support.
I have never been able to consistently get the dishes done at night. But once I started doing them in the morning now I'm getting the dishes done almost every single day. Can't really call it a sense of urgency with getting ready for work, because I'm hardly ever on time for work to begin with 😅.b And I've been doing it this way long enough now that it's not novel anymore. It's just how I do the dishes.
One of the biggest un blockers for me has been letting go of how things "should" be done
I use gamification with my daughter. She used to put away the silverware, while I put away everything else. I'd get a head start to make it almost fair. Then there was the starting the dishwasher game. I put in the soap and rinse liquid, and once the door is closed, it's on. We'd wrestle to push the two buttons. It added some fun, but eventually I had to retire the game after some injuries. My knees can only take getting hit with the dishwasher door so many times. My daughter plays to win. :)