Hey friends, I’m really excited to have Chris Guillebeau as an Extra Focus guest writer this week! Chris is a New York Times bestselling author and his latest title, Time Anxiety, is directly relevant for people with ADHD. He also created the NeuroDiversion conference that launched this year (you can join the waiting list to find out when tickets become available) and writes the newsletter A Year of Mental Health. Chris is also a great friend so I’m stoked to have him as a guest this week!
This applies to everything with an inbox not just email.
This is how I approach my note taking system too. If it’s overwhelming me, I take everything and I toss it into archive so my inbox is clear.
Sometimes I worry that I’ll miss an important to do or some idea that was really valuable that I should have explored. But honestly, it’s better than not having a note taking system which is what happens when I am really overwhelmed and I look at the system that is way too full and I don’t want to use it at all so I just go without.
Bob Doto’s Systems of Writing 📕 also talk about the idea of a sleeping folder for this exact reason. It is too hard to throw things away, so it feels better to put it into a separate folder where it can no longer bother us.
One of my biggest challenges these days is texting. It contributes to my RSD in a huge way. I find email a little gentler because there's less of an expectation to answer a personal email right away. But texting...I almost feel like I'm intruding or being demanding by texting people. I'm always convinced that people don't want to hear from me in that way.
And on the other hand, if people text ME, and I delay for too long on replying ("oh, they're going to think I'm clingy and have no other friends if I reply right away, so I'll wait a little while"), it will simply never happen.
I'm in a ridic stalemate with my nextdoor neighbor who texted me really kindly over a month ago after we hung out. I didn't reply that day, and then every day became "I'll reply tomorrow" and now I'm the absolute weirdo who lives next door and who is avoiding her. Ugh!
This is the biggest anxiety of my professional life. Thanks for putting words on it AND providing practical tools. I'm going to set up that auto-responder asap 💡
Does this only drive people with ADHD nuts - or even just me?
Me: Order widget.
Them: Thank you for your order, which we are processing.
Them: Your order has been received and processed.
Them: Thank you for your order. Please find your receipt enclosed.
Them: Your order is scheduled to be collected by A Courier shortly.
Them: Your order has been collected by A Courier from our supply depot. You can trace it using this link: XFZY780245673YRFGIONG93GB.
A Courier: Your order from them has been collected by us and you can trace it using this link: 76590BGFHTISERT5638107_GB
A Courier: Your order is now underway and cannot be recalled but you can trace it using this link: 76590BGFHTISERT5638107_GB
Them: Your order has now been processed and is being transported by A Courier.
A Courier: Your order is currently in our depot in Lerwick and will be delivered to your address within the next 5 working days (unless it is north of the Great Glen, in which case it will take 7 working days).
A Courier: To ensure delivery in your area your order has been passed to our partner B Carter.
B Carter: Your order is in our depot and you can trace it using this link: BVGRTY748GB.
.......
Surely I can't be the only one to think that driving my car to a shop to get it might be less verbose and possibly even save energy. 😅
On sensitive emails that need a thoughtful reply, I sometimes send an anxiety check-in.
I sent a short message with a positive on the message and let them know it will be a bit before I send the full reply. This is especially true on a big share so the other person doesn't think you're going to ghost them because of what they wrote and spin out.
“Rejection sensitivity makes avoidance tempting” - nothing has rung truer to me! This, with an added sense of judging your response - was it too upbeat?? Am I being over enthusiastic with the extra exclamation points, or even the sender’s response of ‘OK’ might mean they are mad at me🥲 it is exhausting!
This applies to everything with an inbox not just email.
This is how I approach my note taking system too. If it’s overwhelming me, I take everything and I toss it into archive so my inbox is clear.
Sometimes I worry that I’ll miss an important to do or some idea that was really valuable that I should have explored. But honestly, it’s better than not having a note taking system which is what happens when I am really overwhelmed and I look at the system that is way too full and I don’t want to use it at all so I just go without.
Bob Doto’s Systems of Writing 📕 also talk about the idea of a sleeping folder for this exact reason. It is too hard to throw things away, so it feels better to put it into a separate folder where it can no longer bother us.
Every word of this is relateable!
One of my biggest challenges these days is texting. It contributes to my RSD in a huge way. I find email a little gentler because there's less of an expectation to answer a personal email right away. But texting...I almost feel like I'm intruding or being demanding by texting people. I'm always convinced that people don't want to hear from me in that way.
And on the other hand, if people text ME, and I delay for too long on replying ("oh, they're going to think I'm clingy and have no other friends if I reply right away, so I'll wait a little while"), it will simply never happen.
I'm in a ridic stalemate with my nextdoor neighbor who texted me really kindly over a month ago after we hung out. I didn't reply that day, and then every day became "I'll reply tomorrow" and now I'm the absolute weirdo who lives next door and who is avoiding her. Ugh!
This is the biggest anxiety of my professional life. Thanks for putting words on it AND providing practical tools. I'm going to set up that auto-responder asap 💡
Does this only drive people with ADHD nuts - or even just me?
Me: Order widget.
Them: Thank you for your order, which we are processing.
Them: Your order has been received and processed.
Them: Thank you for your order. Please find your receipt enclosed.
Them: Your order is scheduled to be collected by A Courier shortly.
Them: Your order has been collected by A Courier from our supply depot. You can trace it using this link: XFZY780245673YRFGIONG93GB.
A Courier: Your order from them has been collected by us and you can trace it using this link: 76590BGFHTISERT5638107_GB
A Courier: Your order is now underway and cannot be recalled but you can trace it using this link: 76590BGFHTISERT5638107_GB
Them: Your order has now been processed and is being transported by A Courier.
A Courier: Your order is currently in our depot in Lerwick and will be delivered to your address within the next 5 working days (unless it is north of the Great Glen, in which case it will take 7 working days).
A Courier: To ensure delivery in your area your order has been passed to our partner B Carter.
B Carter: Your order is in our depot and you can trace it using this link: BVGRTY748GB.
.......
Surely I can't be the only one to think that driving my car to a shop to get it might be less verbose and possibly even save energy. 😅
On sensitive emails that need a thoughtful reply, I sometimes send an anxiety check-in.
I sent a short message with a positive on the message and let them know it will be a bit before I send the full reply. This is especially true on a big share so the other person doesn't think you're going to ghost them because of what they wrote and spin out.
“Rejection sensitivity makes avoidance tempting” - nothing has rung truer to me! This, with an added sense of judging your response - was it too upbeat?? Am I being over enthusiastic with the extra exclamation points, or even the sender’s response of ‘OK’ might mean they are mad at me🥲 it is exhausting!
This was so helpful! Thank you. I’m definitely getting his book.
The Zeigarnik Effect rules my every waking minute these days— every unanswered email and text and DM haunts me.
I love the idea of declaring ‘correspondence bankruptcy’ and just starting over, but I also worry about losing work opportunities by doing that.