What is wrong with me?
š¤ The fear of letting others know what is really wrong with the way I think
Hey friends,
I watch a lot of YouTube. Like, a lot. I happily pay for YouTube Premium to hide all the ads because I watch it so much. It might be the most valuable subscription I pay for.
One YouTuber I enjoy watching is Sara Dietschy (rhymes with peachy) who does a lot of videos just on tech and software. Her latest video was titled āIāve been scared to talk about thisā which of course grabbed my attention and I had to watch.
Turns out, it was a video about Sara coping with and revealing her own ADHD diagnosis.
Watch it, itās fantastic.
šŗ Iāve been scared to talk about this.
The whole thing is great and extremely relatable, and a couple things in particular really struck me.
Like Sara, when I was first diagnosed, I also thought āI finally know what is wrong with me!ā I always knew my brain was somehow weird and different and āwrongā according to otherās expectations. Finding out ADHD actually described all these feelings I struggled withāthat this was common among people with ADHDāit felt like the answer Iād been searching for.
And the language I had at the time was āsomething must be wrong with me, because everyone keeps looking at how I act or respond to things with bewilderment or confusion or frustration.ā
Itās like the famous Albert Einstein quote:
If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
(Einstein probably didnāt actually say this but his name adds gravitasāwhoever said it was still a genius)
Sara actually addresses the āfinding out what was wrong with meā language at the end of the video, noting that she should maybe have used more positive language (i.e. ābrain differenceā, etc)ā¦ but I honestly kind of love that she calls it exactly how it feels in the beginning. Itās so honest and authentic to this story.
When I first found out, thatās exactly how I felt! I felt like Iād finally found out whatās wrong with me, and that gave me an answer that makes me feel a little less broken.
The other thing that struck me is the guilt that comes from feeling like a crappy friend.
I still make promises that I fail to keep, am late to really important events, and forget to call friends and family to maintain those relationships.
Itās tough. Life is hard. I donāt have all the answers. But knowing that I at least have this answer, this [gestures wildly] thing that helps explain why my brain is different, why my sense is uncommon, why I will be absolutely incredible at one thing that others find it impossible, but canāt seem to make that phone callā¦
I hear from a lot of people that are seeking their ADHD diagnosis. And way too often they tell me their doctor told them something dismissive like āItās just a label. What will a label change?ā
Honestly, that label can change everything.
Stay focused,
Jesse J. Anderson
P.S. If youāre seeking an ADHD diagnosis, I had a great conversation with Dr. Tish Gentile about how you can prepare for speaking with your doctor and how you can better advocate for yourself: ADHD Nerds - Dr Tish Gentile: How to Prepare for ADHD Diagnosis
Shiny Objects
Things that grabbed my attention this week. Lots of nerdy links in this one. š¤