Why I'm Quiet Quitting Social Media

If it's supposed to be social, why does it make me feel so lonely?

I think it might be time to break-up with social media.

Around the start of the new year, I started feeling like maybe it was time. I’ve been a heavy user since social media essentially existed, someone who has perennially been online, or “extremely online” as the parlance goes. I joined Twitter before most people had heard of it, and convinced many of my in-real-life friends to join as well.

But lately, something just feels off. Wrong.

The fun seems to be gone, the friendships feel forced and fading, and it feels more like a place I must attend, rather than somewhere fun I get to visit and explore.

For the last few months, I’ve been reading about others who’ve been feeling the same thing. Many who considered calling it quits with social media, and others that had already taken the plunge:

• I’ve done a 180 on Social Media by

  Andromeda Romano-Lax

• What happened when I got off social media, part 2 by

  Susan Dennard

• The Social Media Sea Change by

  Anne Helen Petersen

• Quitting Social Media (FINALLY) by

  Paige Gardner

• Is it finally time to say goodbye to social media? by

  Sarah Hartley

• Should I Quit Instagram? by

  Carson Ellis

• things got really weird when I got off social media by

  Hannah

• Are Social Media Platforms the Next Dying Malls? by

  Ted Gioia

• Break Up with Social Media, but Make it Sexy by

  Jennie O'Connor

I asked on my Substack chat and got over 100 responses from people, many saying they wish they could quit but didn’t think they could, and a few jubilant souls who had left and had no regrets.

I myself quit Facebook 8 or 9 years ago after some political tensions with family members made me pull the plug. I backed up everything (which took quite awhile), then unfollowed everyone and deleted every one of my posts. I kept the account in case I needed to get in contact with someone or… something. If I log in now, it’s a ghost town because I follow no one—no dopamine to be found.

The funny thing is, I haven’t regretted leaving Facebook for a single second.

Not one moment have I wished I still had that account. I think back on that as a significant point in my life where I released this burden I’d been dragging with me for years, not knowing that all I had to do was to let go of it and leave it behind.

But like many, my situation with social media has grown complicated.

Thanks to the writing I’ve done on ADHD and making jokes about what the ADHD life is like (usually at my own expense), I’ve been lucky to have grown a large following on social media. Most of you probably found me from one of these posts, that’s likely why you’re reading this newsletter right now. And my book likely wouldn’t have been so successful without having built up this community—primarily through sharing content on social media. (thank you!)

Social media continues to bring new subscribers to the newsletter and readers to my book. So purely as a business decision, just deleting my accounts entirely wouldn’t be the wisest move.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t quit quietly.

A few weeks ago, I removed all social media apps from my phone (outside of Substack, more on that later). I still check occasionally on my computer to see if I missed any important DMs, but I might just set those to auto-respond so I can stop checking entirely.

It’s incredible how ingrained the habit of “checking my feeds” has become. But for me, it’s mostly been a habit directly tied to checking on my phone. So simply removing the apps has dropped my usage by at least 90%.

For my business, for now, I’m planning to still schedule and post content, both because I think it’s important to reach people where they are, and because from a practical sense, it’s the primary way I am able to grow this newsletter and get closer to being able to do this work full-time. Plus I know my content helps people that are struggling, letting them feel seen and understood, and I want to continue to provide that for people.

What I’m Replacing Social Media With

It’s that bit about feeling seen and understood that’s so important for people with ADHD.

Most of my own struggle with ADHD has been lonely and confused—thinking I was broken somehow, and that no one else could understand what it was like. I don’t want to lose that community, so here are a few things I’m doing to replace that infinite-scroll-shaped time in my day.

Extra Focus Chat

I’ve been a bit more active in the Extra Focus chat recently and I’d love if you join me there. As a reminder, most posts are visible for all and anyone can reply and join the conversation on those.

Paid members can also create new posts (and I strongly encourage you do!) and participate in the occasional paid chats (which are mostly for sneak peaks and stuff like that).

ADHD Writers

I also recently started ADHD Writers with my friend

Meredith Carder

, a new substack for writers with ADHD. We’ve done a couple of virtual events so far that have been great to see people face-to-face. We’re hoping to grow this community as well, so if you’re a writer come join us! We also do body-doubling to help keep each other accountable.

Just like, a lot of reading

I’m spending a lot more time reading since removed the apps from my phone, and hoping this continues! I love reading and learning, and I might do some sort of book club or something if enough people are interested.

Building existing friendships (and an app?)

It’s no secret I struggle with time and memory, and this makes it difficult to be the type of friend that I want to be. I hate that this is true but… I kind of forget people exist when I don’t see them regularly—out of sight, out of mind. I want to reinvest in some of those existing relationships I have’t given enough time and attention to.

So I’ve been working on an app to help me better remember to reach out to those friends and family members that are important to me.

It’s still pretty early, but if you’re interested in being an early tester, you can fill out this interest form to get on the waitlist.

Stay curious,
Jesse J. Anderson